Emotional Intelligence
What is EI/EQ?
Emotional Intelligence (EI)/Emotional Quotient (EQ) is the measurement of your ability to identify, comprehend and manage emotions. Contrary to IQ (Intelligence Quotient), EI/EQ can be improved over time. There are four main factors of Emotional Intelligence:
Self-Awareness
Self-Management
Social Awareness
Relationship Management
These factors encompass your emotional relationship with yourself, your physical environment, and the people around you. It is key to note that having a high EQ/EI does not mean that you don't feel emotions; it simply means that you can recognize, accept and manage them without allowing them to control your actions.
If there is a singular enemy of Emotional Intelligence, it is the amygdala hijack. The amygdala hijack is an emotional response that blocks rational decision making during triggering situations. This could manifest itself in a fight or flight response to the threat of physical danger, or an emotional breakdown triggered by a stressful situation. Managing a healthy EI/EQ is the key to stopping those moments from overwhelming your system and taking over your actions.
Why is Emotional Intelligence Important?
Understanding your own Emotional Intelligence and knowing how to improve and maintain its health can help you navigate triggering situations in work and life, as well as nurture a calm environment for those around you who struggle with their own emotional state.
High EI/EQ individuals are constructive, easy to work with, and don’t allow their emotions to take over. They think before they react and learn from their mistakes instead of becoming frustrated by them. On the other hand, a person with a low EI/EQ is often triggered by uncomfortable or difficult situations. They lash out at people and are more likely to say something insensitive before thinking about the impact of their words. They are victims of their emotions and struggle with healthy self-management.
Let’s work through each factor that plays into Emotional Intelligence and learn how to recognize and manage emotions.
How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Self-Awareness
A key principle of Emotional Intelligence is self- awareness. When you understand how and why you react to certain situations, you can make adjustments to navigate them calmly and rationally. The best way to accomplish this is self-observation. Here are some tools and methods to improve your self-awareness:
Keep a journal of your emotions: When you notice a specific emotion rising, write it down and trace it to the source.
Ask yourself what your triggers are: List the people, things, and situations that you know are triggering and brainstorm options of working with these triggers instead of fighting against them.
Take note of your physical reactions to different emotions: Does your stomach turn when you're nervous? Do you clench your teeth and tighten your muscles when you're angry? When you are aware of your body's reactions, you can take steps to return to a calm state.
Test your limits: Allow yourself to enter potentially stressful situations and observe how you react.
Don't designate specific emotions as being good or bad: Being excited can cloud your rational brain as much as being frustrated. Allow each end of the spectrum of emotions to exist and move through you.
Self-Management
Now that you know how to properly recognize your emotions, let’s talk about managing them. Self-management is the tool to suppress the amygdala hijack. By taking ownership of your emotions, you are no longer at risk of being controlled by them. With a few self-management practices worked into your daily routine, you can increase your EQ/EI significantly! Here are a few methods to consider:
Take note of your breath: A deep breath with a long, slow exhale sends a message to your nervous system that you are safe. Try this technique the next time you notice your body reacting to your emotional state. When you take the initiative to stop and focus on your breath, you can eliminate many of the physical and mental blocks that come with intense emotions.
Sleep on important decisions to allow your mind to recalibrate: When you allow your body time to digest all of the facts and recover from any overwhelming emotions attached to the situation, then you are more likely to make a rational decision.
Visualize yourself succeeding in situations that you are nervous about: Instead of picturing the worst possible outcome, envision everything going right. This technique helps calm nerves before they have a chance to bubble up.
Maintain physical health: Prioritize personal hygiene, rest, nutrition and overall wellness. Ask for tips from a high EQ/IE friend or mentor.
Make an “emotion vs reason” list to determine if your feelings or your thoughts are influencing your decisions: These tools can be helpful when making big decisions, and they’re just as effective for the little things! Perhaps a 3rd cup of coffee seems like the solution to help you focus if you're nervous about a presentation, but if you stop to consider what is causing your craving, you might find that a walk outside is what your body truly needs.
Practice self-accountability by announcing your goals: Let a friend know that you are working on improving your EQ and allow them to help you keep up with your progress.
Social-Awareness
While our own emotions have the ability to dictate our choices and actions, social situations are often influenced by the emotional state of those around us. Being able to recognize and productively interact with people based on their emotional state is where social-awareness comes into play. Here are some points to keep in mind while interacting in social situations:
Be observant: Discreetly observe people in public and attempt to pinpoint their emotional state. This is also a good practice while watching movies or TV.
Pay attention to subtle clues in a person's body language: Just as you took the time to notice your own body's reactions to different emotional states, learn to recognize these reactions in others.
Understand and learn to distinguish the differences between other people's behavior and your own: Perhaps someone seems withdrawn and shy to you when they are just modest. Possibly an acquaintance from another country comes across as short or disengaged, when they are just accustomed to being direct, based on their cultural upbringing. Social cues are not the same for everyone, so do your best not to assume.
Address people by name: Remember the names of the people you meet, and do them the courtesy of addressing them directly. This simple, yet effective practice is a fantastic way to stay present in social situations.
Plan ahead for social situations: If you know who you will be interacting with, have a few personal conversation topics ready.
Read the room: In a large gathering, you can get a sense of how everyone's feeling if you take the time to stop and observe right away. Understanding where everyone else is on an emotional level will assist your own navigation of the gathering.
Relationship Management
Relationships are an integral part of our lives. We have friends, family, loved ones and co-workers that surround us on a daily basis. Thus, relationship management is essential,, and learning to improve your skills in this area will strengthen both your personal and professional bonds. Here are some tips to keep in mind:
Take time and space to listen: When you are having a conversation with someone, focus your energy on actively listening instead of forming your next response. Being fully engaged in the conversation and truly acknowledging the other person’s side is key!
Learn to ask what the other person wants from a conversation: If you are unclear for any reason about your role in the conversation, ask how you can help instead of jumping to conclusions. This will help avoid the chances of misinterpreting why the person has reached out. ,
Be clear when you are interacting with people: Do your best to send clear signals and remember that folks can’t always read your emotions. At work,, learn the best method of communication for your colleagues. Some may be direct and quick to respond using instant messaging, and some may need to speak in person or on a call in order to fully relay what’s brewing in their minds. Chances are, most people won’t have the same preference as you so do your part by observing and accommodating in order to avoid miscommunication and frustration.
When you are engaged in a difficult conversation, try to be proactive: Avoid getting defensive, or taking a frustrating situation personally. We hold a portion of responsibility for almost all of the situations that we find ourselves in. Instead, make an attempt to problem solve your way out of the challenging conversation.
What's next?
As we learned at the start, EI/EQ is a skill and it can be improved and as with any skill, the way to improve is to practice. These practices are only effective when you incorporate them into your day-to-day relationships with yourself, your close circle and the many strangers that you interact with throughout the day. Consider starting your journey by taking an EI Test. After a month of practice take the test again and see how you've improved!
Thank you for taking the time to learn about Emotional Intelligence. The HENSLEE HR team is proud to be able to share our passion for self- improvement. If you or your team wants to learn more about implementing an EI-based platform for communication, feedback and development, reach out to us here!
Make space and elevate, everyone 🙌🏽!